Yesterday, I had a plan. To meet you, be there physically with you, and send you back safely. Although I was really tired, I knew that it was going to be late for you, thus i wanted to uphold my promise that I would send you back if you are returning home pass 1030pm.
When you rejected me, i felt heartache. I straightaway asked God, what is happening?
God spoke to me.
"
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The feeling you have now, is how I feel when I want to carry out My plan with you, and you reject and turn yourself away. Colin, I had a plan for you. A plan to prosper you and not to harm you. A plan to give you your hope and your future. I love you so much and want to be there with you. I want you to have all of me!
"
I weeped. I understand how God feels when people leave His plan for their own ways.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today when you didn't reply my attempts to communicate with you, the same thing happened.
I felt so sad yet angry, anxious yet pissed. I felt like you were ignoring me for some reason unknown to me.
Did I not love you enough, did I not try to be with you as much as I can? What could have caused this non-chalance?
God spoke to me," This is exactly how I felt when you turned your back on my and refused My communication attempts. This is My heart and love for you. Would you spend more time with me? Just for us to be with each other and get to know each other better?"
Can you imagine my emotions when God spoke to me like that?
I LOVE you Kristine. The more I love you, the more I know God's heart. Why would a 23 year old man, carry your bag, wallet, phone, be an extension to your hand and take whatever you want. Why would I tackle your storms for you. Like the many times bro is angry with you. I take them all. I can only tackle the storms that you allow me to.
When in the car, you rest on my lap and all. I keep an open eye for anything, that may cause you to be unstable. I don't need gifts or nice restaurants. I just want you! I want to hear about your day, your fears, your victories, your concerns! I want to be there for you, to be a place where you can lean on, to rest on, to draw strength! To laugh with, to cry with, to be your pillar.
When I'm angry or down, all it takes, is for a nice word from you, and it makes my day! It gives me that extra boost! I don't need you to tell me what to do, unless I ask for suggestions. I just need encouragement. I need ego boosters as well. I'm a guy...
I hope this finds you well my dear Kristine. =)
